This girl is more easily done than said...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
