Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
