that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
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