So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
