you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
