Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
