i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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