dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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