It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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