You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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