i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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