First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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