Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
