I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
