Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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