btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
