dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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