Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
did i walk over a car last night?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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