i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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