You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
