i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
