I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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