yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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