apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
