You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
