apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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