I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
