You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
