Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
