Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
