I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
