omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
