you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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