I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I currently don't understand fingers.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
