Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What a dumb baby whore.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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