dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
