Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
