he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
