My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
