fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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