hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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