I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i came on her dog
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
