I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
