No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
