pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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