Kareoke will never be a sober sport
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
