you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
