Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
