I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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