Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
