Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
