hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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